L is for the way you look at me

I decided to check out the whole song on YouTube while I was writing this entry. Ive never known the words past L is for the way you look at me.

I was putting photo of myself and David in a frame I had bought last year sometime that was forgotten about. Photo below:

And got to thinking about my parents. I was looking at the photos of us but was thinking about my parents. Let me tell you why. I remember when I was younger when my parents would give each other kisses and hugs. My sister and I would always get grossed out and sometimes my sister would say “get a room” when we were old enough to say that in a joking manner. But usually we would hide our eyes and make a face of disgust and laugh at the sight of our parents who I realize now as a married couple know that they really loved each other! I ended up putting the frame in our bedroom because well, it looked really nice on top of our dresser and also because when I look at it I remember how much I love David. I promise no gushy stuff here at least not until V day HA!. But after thinking about my parents public display of affection I realize that Alyssa sees that with us, too. Sometimes it makes her wiggle like it did when I was little and sometimes it makes her want to show us affection as well. Hugs and Kisses for everyone! I thank my parents for grossing us out while we were little because I can fully appreciate it now.

Peace and Love
Maria

Creativity and Being Thankful

Day dreaming creativity
I was daydreaming the other day. Something I haven’t done in well over three years. I was literally sitting at a stop sign with no one behind me just sitting..well over the five counts your suppose to make when you stop at a stop sign..or is it four? I don’t remember. But I was sitting there in my car thinking about so many things, so many positive things that when I finally realized the stop sign would not turn green -I moved. Do you want to know what I was day dreaming about? I was daydreaming about all the writing I had done in the past few days. More than I have six months ago. I have written well over 3000 words which is a lot for me when before I could only make out two hundred words within a week. I was also daydreaming how artistic I had been feeling and how I was determined to continue to support and encourage it. Its important that we do that and that we find a way to do the things we love. I’m learning that through experience. I was also daydreaming about my books, some other writing projects I have started on and the other creative outlets I had envisioned for the days ahead of me. It was a wonderful feeling.

I’m also finding that I am being more creative in the kitchen. Two vegetarian meals a week for dinner-not only because its healthy, but its delicious and cooking makes me happy. I read a quote yesterday night as I was making our non vegetarian but oh so delicious meal. Its read like this:

“If I sing when I cook, the food will be happy.”- Pasquale Carpino
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Being Thankful
Yesterday after Alyssa had completed her homework she stated that she wanted to play dress up with me. I reminded her that she had her birthday thank yous to write/draw for the wonderful gifts she had received. She agreed that writing them would be nice but that wearing princess clothes to write the letters would be even better. I was fine with the dressing up as long as we would work on the thank yous. She agreed with a smile and we raced up stairs to try on the very colorful clothes in her dress up box. Once we were dressed I mentioned in my ever so wonderful princess English accent how more wonderful it would be to sip on some tea and eat yummy cookies before writing these letters to our “majesties” as she called them. She was thrilled. Here is a photo of our dainty little meal.

She felt that the meal would be even more wonderful with a side of goldfish. Gotta love her. And yes, we were drinking tea.

When the meal was finished we brought all her colors out so she could begin writing her notes. This was also a great opportunity to talk with her about her gifts and what being thankful meant. As a mother I’m usually good at finding ways in situations to teach. Our conversation lasted a good 45 minutes. There are never too many conversation about being thankful and giving thanks for the world around us. I find that she understands it, especially since she tells me on her own what she is thankful for. Like at dinner, we usually name a couple things we are thankful for that day. Alyssa always has a list of ten things or more because she likes to name everyone she knows, what shes done, the weather and so on. It brings me peace to know she on her own has those things to be thankful for-especially at age 7.

Here is a photo of her writing:

Did I mention shes writing a book? This was all on her own. She has her little book written on journal paper and has already started typing it on the computer. She amazes me.

Do you ever find yourself day dreaming?
How do you give thanks?

Peace and Love
Maria

Part 1 of my painting

 

 

I tossed and turned Monday night. Didnt sleep for the life of me. One of those nights where you just lay there thinking about everything. I mean everything. You know what Im talking about. One of those nights where you think maybe you should get out of bed and go and do something other than lay there with eyes wide opened, but dont and continue to lay there with eyes wide open.

Anyway, here is the first part of my painting. The idea came to me around 3 oclock Tuesday morning. I already have a title picked out but will wait until I get futhur into the painting before I share it. 

Peace and Love
Maria

Canvases and Sunrises

I have 10 canvases…all blank and ready for me to do something with them. I have woken up every morning for the past two weeks wanting to paint the sunrise since I was waking up so early enough to watch it. Its so beautiful to watch and definatly something I like to look at before starting my day. My morning ritual consists of getting up, going to the bathroom, coming into the office and stretching my arms out and my back up. I breathe in and tell myself I am ready for whatever the day has for me. Its a new morning ritual -something that I havent been doing for years or anything but something that makes me smile every morning. It also helps me to watch the sunrise for when I decide I want to paint it. What morning ritual do you have? Do you like making yourself a hot cup of coffee/tea and pouring it into your favorite cup? Do you like to do yoga/meditate? Think about it and if you dont have something yet, I highly recommend it.

Peace and Love
Maria

A New Year…for New Beginnings

I’m glad to be able to say that with a calm heart. 2011 has been a very interesting year. It’s been a year where I’ve learned so much, some hard, some difficult to swallow and some that really needed to happen. I also knew that with each circumstance that came my way-controlled and uncontrolled that it was going to take me to the next step in my life. I remember talking to my friend Joanna about 3 years ago…laying down on a park bench talking/crying about the situation I was in. I didn’t want to be there in that situation but knew that it was my purpose…and she also clarified this for me. I cried because 1. I knew that I was brought to the place because of the changes/difference I was to make/bring 2. I knew I could not just walk away. How hard it was to hear myself and to hear my friend say these things because in reality we are able to make all sorts of choices in our lives, but if you have ever been called to do something then you know you can’t just turn your back on it. I struggled for many months afterwards about sticking around; I was tested in many ways to see if the situation would make me grow or make me idle; if I would understand the meaning of my purpose at this time.

I look back and remember the 25 year old worried about what would happen next. Worried about the uncertainty and worried if I would be able to go through with it. I wish I could tell my younger self that everything would work itself out, to enjoy every moment and give thanks. That the journey I was on would be one that would take patience and understanding but to also be receptive to what would be given back to me.

Three years later, I understand that. I can say with peace in my heart that the journey was one that I would not give up in a millions years and that because of where I was those three years, I learned a great deal about the world around me, (just to name a few), people, love, hate, jealousy, preconceived notion, peace, selflessness, growing, sharing, confidence, communication, creativity, purpose, and more. No, I didn’t travel to another country to seek peace, but in a different way I learned so many things that a school book could ever teach a person. If I actually sat down (which I’ll probably do only because it will be truly interesting to see) and took the time to write down everything, I could probably fill a book front and back.

With that being said, when we follow suit with our actions in a loving and purposeful way, we will learn things along the way that will allow us to fully appreciate the next step in our lives. Uncertainty has never been easy for me, but doing what I can with purpose in mind has always made life a little easier.
I hope life brings uncertainty to everyone around me because uncertainty keeps us from being idle, and when we aren’t idle we are able to grow.

Peace and Love
Maria
Happy New Years!

Reflection

I had a dream the other day that we were having a home study conducted in our home and that the house looked like it had literally been turned upside down and then brought right side up again. I woke up not certain what my mind was trying to tell me but a part of me felt weird. For those unfamiliar with the term home study it’s when a social worker comes into your house and checks around to see that it is fit for a child. They interview the soon to be parents and their children if they have any. I remember that the lady walked around the house with no expression on her face and right before I woke up David and I began to clean the house. What did it mean? That’ the first dream I’ve had since we began the adoption process. I know Im going to have more. We are really doing this. …..Yes, I made that statement. I’ve thought about doing this since I was little but you never know if all the things you want to do in life can really happen.

I was in the store the other day when someone who worked at the store came up to me and asked me why I had so many pumpkins in my basket. I told him why and then he noticed my tattoo on my right wrist and asked me what it said since he could not read it clearly from where he was standing. “The purpose of life is a life of purpose” I said to him. He smiled, said “that’s deep” and then said “have a great day”! I continued on my path and then thought for a second. This all makes sense…what Im doing right now. The adoption thing. If I know not what else to do in the next chapter of my life going through on this path was something that not only welcomed me with open arms, but felt so right in my heart. Although the small encounter was random, I was thankful it happened.

my journey began

Have you ever wondered how we decide what we want in our future? Especially when we are little. You know the girls who want to grow up, get married and have 2.5 kids. Or the child who knows for darn sure they want to be president. I can tell you my dream changed a few times during my life time. I wanted to be a dancer ( ballet dancer-get your head out of the gutter), then I wanted to be an actress, then I wanted to be a teacher. While my career mind changed often one thing stayed the same. I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to have many kids, get rich and then adopt all of the children in the world and live in a huge mansion where I would take care of them all. That was my mentality for many years bewteen 7-17. It was a huge dream that I wanted, a life filled with children who needed love. Well, I became a mother-I had one child(who is a huge blessing), I didnt get rich, but I did want more children. The time came where David and I decided that we both wanted more children, so we tried and twice in one year I misscarried. Something that no one will understand unless they experience it, but something that no one should experience..even if
“everything happens for a reason”. I remember deciding together that maybe we would look into adoption. Afterall, Im adopted and I have been given a really good life, so why couldnt I do the same for someone else? I ordered a packet online and within a few weeks the packet came in and I was scared. I was scared to do anything past read it over a billions times, so I stuck it away in the
” important ” files and never looked at it again. I thought about it often, but maybe I wasnt ready to take the next step. I cant really say we ” tried ” for another biological child after that. I mean, it was hard getting past the two miscarriages I had so close together. So for three years I decided to focus on other
things. When those few years past and we believed it was good to try again..we tried and tried and nothing. Nothing came of those tryings..except I learned more about the female body that I probably wouldnt have known if I hadnt had this much difficulty getting pregnant in the first place. We tried and tried and I educated my self even more in what the female body could do and with what doctors could do for people who were interested in other ways of promoting fertility. It came down to finally deciding to change my OB and learning there was a bigger issue then the first one I had learned about in 2004. Ill tell you about the in another post if you are interested. After many unsuccessful pregnancies and a prayer to the heavens to literally show me a sign what I needed to do, it came to me in many many forms. I was shown forms of adoption. I read articles in magazines I had not bought but were donated to my school, that I was looking through for pictures to create a book in a class, met a few people who had adopted children ( infants, 3 year olds, 5 year olds), read books, heard it on the radio, read more articles, and well, the simple fact that my body currently did not want to support me in creating a baby. When I realized I was okay with that ( it wasnt easy as just saying I was okay with it-it took some healing) with possibly not being able to create a baby inside my belly, I became joyful in the thought of a dream I once had just a few years before. Adoption. Adopting a child and giving them a wonderful life like I had been given. A life that maybe they wouldnt have had otherwise. My heart jumped and my eyes got big and I was so happy to be in a place to want to make it official. So here I am now.

The adoption orientation is coming up in the next few days. Im excited because this means that my journey is beginning. Im nervous because Im unsure what this journey entails. Ive been doing alot of research on my own to learn what the process might be and what will happen after we begin the actual process. Im getting myself prepared with the questions Im going to ask at this orientation and getting more knowledgable in everything I need to know. But we all know one cant fully prepare for something this huge in life. Its the same for a person trying to plan for a birth of a bioligical child. You can prepare and read and talk to many people, but until it actually happens you wont really know. Thats the interesting thing about life.

Whats in a meal?

A few weeks back I decided that I was going to go on a hiatus from meat for the month of September. Well actually first I should say that I was feeling unusually tired weeks before the weeks I was thinking about giving up meat and well because of that I decided to give up meat for a month to see if it was contributing to my lazy tired/sloth like feeling. I didnt have a hesitant feeling inside of me to not try it which is sorta unusual for me because Im not the type of person to dive into something unknown. I have in recent years decided my health is far more important than unimportant. That if Im feeling icky how can I give 100 percent to others. How can I feel happy? How can do I do anything with oomph? or is it umph? My mom says that word, but I cant remember how she says it right now as I type this. Ill have to ask her when I call her later this week. Anyway, Im feeling confident about my decision. Im learning alot about meatless recieps. Im learning that not eating meat doesnt just mean taking the meat out of a meal that normally has meat and calling it a day, but making sure you have other nutrients and other resources. Because at first I was looking at my plans for dinner and decided I would just not add the meat to it. But the more I researched recipes I learned that there are other ingredients you can cook with that still make the meal delicious and nutritious ( aside from the mushrooms that alot of recipes call for-I dont like those). My first homemade dish was Vegetarian Samosas. Not mamosa, but samosa. Hehe. Someone asked if I was making an Indian drink. Im really a horrible follower of reciepes. I dont like to measure the exact amounts. Anyway, the samosas came out alright. Nothing like the ones from the two Indian places I like to eat at, but good for making it from a reciepe I had not tried before. A tad spicey, but good. I plan to alter some of the ingredients and then try it again to see if I can make them more to my liking. Here is a photo: Tonight I made a vegetarian wonton soup and it came out delicious. The broth was from a vegetarian stock that I was worried about buying. Im use to chicken stock. Although I need alot of work on how to make a wonton, they looked beautiful when I first made them. They never like to stay closed once I add them to water or the dish. That is a reciepe I will try again and again and again and again. Ill have to post a picture of the soup another time. Ive created my menue this week for all of my meatless meals. I cant stop calling them that. Im use to cooking with meat..Not all the time, but with most meals. Tomorrow Three Cheese Tortalini. Thurs Black Bean Lettuce Wraps and Friday Leslies Birthday dinner ( steamed artichokes, baked chicken and potatoes. No, I wont be eating the meat. hehe. In case you are wondering if you do read this. I have noticed Im not as tired as before, but I cant really say if this is why or not. Especially since I had horrible allergies this past weekend. So we will see. Until then, you should try a meatless meal if you havent already. And if you have, rock on! Ps. I just realized I decicated this entire post to food. Thats funny. adieu Maria

Great news!

Atlast Im sitting down writing to update you on some wonderful news. I cant say Ive written in my book for the past month, but I have started journaling in the evenings before bed time. The journal writing happened two weeks ago. Last month I was looking on the web for inspirational quotes when I came upon a book that spiked my interest simply because it had an owl on the cover. I love owls and knew right away that there was a connection. I decided to purchase the book and the journal. Below is what it looks like.

http://writingdownyoursoul.com/tp40/default.asp?ID=122654

for more information check out the link above.

Have you thought about journal writing? My journal writing use to be different. I was about 14 when I started so one can only imagine what those thoughts were about. If you havent thought about doing it I highly recommend it.

Now with some neat news..David and I have started looking into attending a Adoption Orientation class. This class is to inform you of the adoption process, the different types of adoption and gives potential parents the opprtunity to ask any questions they may have about adoption. I have looked at this one website over and over..and was scared to do anything past looking because well, its a big step. But after much thought and prayer I feel adoption is for us. The way my heart feels about children in general is indiscribale. My heart is always open for giving love. I actually asked for some sort of sign or peace with my choice because well anyone can convince themselves that something can be a certain way. Ive got to tell you, more than before I feel it is time. With that being said, we are going to start on this new journey. Im excited and cant wait. All we have to do is pick a date for the class and attend.

Please if you read this, send your warm thoughts this way.

Love, Maria

A not yet travelin’ fool

I think I mentioned it back in December that David bought me markers to use in the shower. About two weeks ago, I wrote on the wall with the blue one ” Why havent I saved money for a trip to Ecudaor”? I then asked myself outloud why havent I planned to take a trip there? Several days later David asked me to check out prices for tickets and hotels. We realized it wasnt as expensive as the first and last time I looked. It hasnt been carved in stone yet, but I am planning on taking a trip to Ecuador sometime in the very near future (next year). I asked myself why hadnt I saved up for the trip sooner, but thinking about it a little I believe Im in a place in my life where I can appreciate it more and in many many many different ways. As I continue to work on my book ( with some struggle) I realize how wonderful it will be to dedicate some of the chapters in my book to the time I visited my home town. A place that really exisit, but only in pictures and from what my mother, father and older siblings tell me. I mean, I know it exists, but its hard to imagine its where I was born and where Im from when I havent been back there since I was two. This will be a very interesting time in my life and theres no time than now to start planning for the trip. When my mother found out about this trip she reminded me that I should probably start working on my Spanish. I..um..dont know Spanish. I dont even think I know enough to save my life, but because of how I look I could fool anyone. Anyway, my mother let me borrow her Spanish cd for the comp. I need to buy some books, too.. Thinking about Spanish reminds me of the Spanish class that I dropped in college because of how horrible it was. That wasnt the way I needed to learn Spanish. Some people can, I couldnt. Anyway, all of this Spanish talking and trip planning is getting me more excited and nervouse at the same time.

Oh and I do plan on visiting the orphanage that I was in while Im in Ecuador.

A few blogs back I posted a picture of a painting I started on.
Below is what Ive created since then. It still needs alot of work, but my idea is there.

And here is a picture of Alyssa enjoying a swim at her Granny and Gramps house without floaties!